I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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