May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
