Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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