im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
