I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
