Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
