there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My bed smells like the plague
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