i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
