Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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