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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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