ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
