Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The uberlube is also flammable
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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