One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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