life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
