What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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