Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
