I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
