WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
