fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
