youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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