girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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