went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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