I wannas sexs uuuuu
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize