apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
