Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
