Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
