In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
