Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
