His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
COCAINE IS GR8
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
