So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
