I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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