He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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