All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
