if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Too much gin, very little bucket
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
