so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
