he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
