i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
