It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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