Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
