just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
