She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
