You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i think im in europe. pls send help
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
