Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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