i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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