Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
