No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
