I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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