Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
