Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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