MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
