I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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