The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
