I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
