This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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