Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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