You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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