He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
