I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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