So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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