I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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