but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize