Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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