we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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