Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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