john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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