jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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