So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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