does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bet he comes in French.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
