did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize