Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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